Living With Depression Part 1 of XXX

Happy New Year Everyone!

To be contrary, I have decided to write a post about what it's like living with depression. I will not attempt to sum it all up in one post so I am just going to write about what it's like to start your day when you have this affliction. 

Pre treatment and proper medication, waking up with depression was like having a huge fight within myself. I would wake up at 5am, ingesting whatever drugs I felt would stimulate me to get through the day, and steer myself for 2 hours so that I could start getting ready at 7am. And this would work 30% of the time. 

The rest of it, I just went back to sleep. 

Weekends would just be a drug binges - getting back to sleep, waking up, taking more drugs, going back to sleep, rinse repeat cycle. I don't have a profound thing to say like "oh I just wanted to escape reality it was so painful I couldn't deal". I don't have a good enough reason to have done that to myself. I just did. 


Post treatment and proper medication, waking up with depression is still an effort. I still need to give myself a reason to get up. An incentive. Nowadays it's getting to try on my new skincare and candles. Then getting up is a positive thing. 

However I still struggle sometimes, not wanting to wake up because there isn't really a reason to. Those times, I choose. I don't look at waking up as waking up to a whole new day; I look at waking up as just going to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face and start prepping my skin with the new skin stuff I bought. A new serum, a new lip balm which looks super cute with Mario on it with a metallic blue cap, a new face mist. Or to continue using old things because they are things I love. That is my motivation. Shallow to most, but hey, it works.  

I think I'll end here today. 

This is what it's like waking up with depression for me.